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and nows its time for the number 3 of the closing chapters as i look at lack of sex and intermassydynnargh welclome falite croeso

June 7, 2014

CNV00138

its often been asked why is it that I have never found any one ?as I often ask why and whats realation ship with a man all about ?I guees to short answer to that im just not desireable and over the years ive had more knock backs than I care to reamember as I look in the mirror I tell you it don’t do a girls confedence being told sorry you aint for me or I aint like that or here over the years your the wrong colour get some boot polish on we only like a black ones here bleeding cheek as I find some people are so phony and shallow with there preoccupation on looking at the world as skin deep reamember don’t judge a book by its cover .or perhaps men see it as 2 dimentianall when they look for a put it crudely a shag or is it the threeheads well that’s the 64 dollor question I suppose .the only guys that could of something might of happened with would of been john c from 1986 or baxzz the hunky skinhead from 1985 or the last in the line p.t.o.r. paul from my reason past ,as I often wonder if this would of happened ?and if it did could I bee enough to make him happy or may be just may be it seems that me being over looked on the shelf of life I suppose and the feeling of being needed and in deed wanted but sadly neither the case on my conquest to find a man to settle down with ,after all in child hood I was pushed around like a spare part but the event I will always reamember is I had to stay a while with one of mothers boyfriends in a town far away as I lay in this strange room with people I didn’t know as I lay there at 6 years old thinking wheres my mummy I miss her as this old lady came in and said your mummy will return one day soon but like ive allways done in the past as now tried to get on with my life but id allways wanted a man of my own and to be like my own family ,and the spending time to gether in away its a shame it didn’t work out with Charlie we had the same sort of history of farm life but sadly it wasn’t to be and as for paul 5 years earlier that’s gone as well but I suppose I tried my best ive tried to give them things to set them on there way so at least thay look good shame I wont be around in there lifes to see it now thay can build on what ive given except ptor who threw it all away or sold it as me like the stuff I gave him like keith before had no sentermentall value  or anything else and forgotton about which makes me annoyed and very sad ,

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